Grief, Outrage and Hope

The following is an article that I wrote, which appeared in the February 27, 2025, editions of the Washington Jewish Week, Philadelphia Jewish Exponent and Baltimore Jewish Times:

Posters featuring Ariel and Kfir Bibas at Ben Gurion Airport, where people placed stuffed animals and toys next to the photos of the children. Photo credit: Aaron Troodler

I had flaming red hair as a young child. In fact, my hair didn’t look all that different from Ariel Bibas’ hair when I was that age.

That being said, it wasn’t our shared hair color that forged a bond between us. Our connection was much more profound. Our bond was formed the moment Ariel, his younger brother, Kfir, his mother, Shiri, and his father, Yarden, were kidnapped by Hamas on Oct. 7, 2023.

For over 500 days, we prayed for the Bibas family. The heart-wrenching images of them being forcibly dragged from their home in Kibbutz Nir Oz by terrorists is forever seared into our hearts and minds. Yarden being led away by Hamas, his head bloodied after being struck with a hammer. Shiri, with a terrified look on her face as she desperately clutched her two children — Ariel, who was just 4 years old at the time, and Kfir, who was only 9 months old — while Hamas terrorists whisked them away to Gaza. Those indelible and indescribable images can never be unseen or forgotten.

We held our collective breath for the past year and a half as their fate remained unknown, clinging to the hope that they would somehow survive their ordeal in hellish and inhumane conditions under Hamas’ diabolical control and ultimately return home safely.

Our hopes were shattered last week when the bodies of Shiri, Ariel and Kfir, along with the body of 84-year-old Oded Lifshitz, were returned to Israel in coffins. Yarden Bibas, who was released by Hamas on Feb. 1, was left to somehow process the fact that his wife and two young children are tragically never coming home.

And as we grieved their loss and tried to understand how and why a mother and her two beautiful, young children could have befallen such a terrible fate, we felt another emotion as well: outrage.

Outrage at the fact that Hamas barbarians ripped these innocent souls from their home and brutally murdered two young children. Outrage at the fact that when Hamas released the bodies last week, it choreographed a sickening spectacle that saw the promotion of terrorist propaganda right behind the coffins and armed Hamas terrorists and crowds of Palestinians who gathered to take part in what disgustingly became a communitywide event and a twisted and sadistic celebration. Outrage that Hamas initially returned a body that was purportedly Shiri Bibas but turned out to be someone else. Outrage at the fact that far too many people around the world continue to vilify Israel while inexplicably giving Hamas a free pass for their depravity and the unimaginable pain and suffering that ensued as a result of their heinous acts.

The Bibas family deserved better. Oded Lifshitz deserved better. Every single one of the hostages deserved better. In some way, it feels like we failed them, and that failure hurts.

The photos of the two young Bibas children that we have seen from the past, whether it be baby Kfir, his face lit up by his beautiful smile, or Ariel wearing his Batman pajamas, are a painful reminder of the lives they should have had, but that were tragically cut short. Ariel and Kfir could have been my children, your children, our children. It is hard to fathom how something like this could happen.

We must hold the photos of the Bibas family that we have seen close to our hearts and use those images as motivation to keep their memories alive. Ariel and Kfir Bibas were our children too. And every one of the hostages is our mother, father, sibling or child too.

No one should ever forget what happened to Shiri, Ariel and Kfir Bibas. There are no words to adequately describe the grief and outrage we all feel. Yet despite our pain and anger, we cannot falter in our efforts to bring every single one of the remaining hostages home and we cannot forsake the hope that we must hold on to in order for us to persevere despite the immense challenges that we face.

We should channel our emotions into action, and they should fuel our enduring efforts to make sure the world never forgets what happened on Oct. 7. Despite the widespread indifference and deafening silence in the wake of Hamas’ savagery, we cannot lose hope that all of our hostages will soon be reunited with their families.

As we grieve for Shiri, Ariel and Kfir Bibas, and Oded Lifshitz, and in the face of Hamas’ abject evil and wanton disregard for human life, we must let the world know that the spirit and resilience of the Jewish people will never be broken.

Rabbi David Stav: Working to Bridge the Divides in Israeli Society

The following is an article that I wrote, which appeared in the February 20, 2025, editions of the Washington Jewish Week, Philadelphia Jewish Exponent and Baltimore Jewish Times:

Rabbi David Stav (Courtesy of Tzohar)

The schisms in Israeli society are an age-old problem. Whether it be political, societal or religious in nature, there is inherent tension between different segments of Israeli citizens, and many perceive the enduring conflict to be a regular part of Israeli life, despite the damage that these divides cause.

Yet there is one person who has made it his mission to do whatever he can to bridge the divides that tear at the fabric of Israeli society.

Rabbi David Stav is a very busy man. A renowned Torah scholar and rabbinic leader who was considered as a candidate for chief rabbi of Israel, Stav has served as the chief rabbi of the town of Shoham in central Israel for the past 28 years.

Stav was born in Jerusalem and grew up in the Rechavia neighborhood. Although he attended Netiv Meir Yeshiva High School in Jerusalem, Stav did spend one year during high school at Ner Israel in Baltimore, Maryland. He also attended Mercaz Harav Yeshiva in Jerusalem where he received rabbinic ordination and was authorized to be a rabbinic judge.

A leading voice in the Religious Zionist community, Stav is also co-founder and chairman of Tzohar, an organization that is dedicated to fostering stronger Jewish identity through inclusivity and inspiration and making religious life more accessible to Israelis from an array of backgrounds.

Tzohar was founded in 1995 shortly after the assassination of Prime Minister Yitzchak Rabin, and according to Stav, the timing was not coincidental.

Citing the friction between religious and secular Israelis in the wake of Rabin’s murder, Stav said in an interview that he knew something had to be done to stem the tide of discord that was essentially tearing the country apart.

“We gathered a group of rabbis and asked ourselves, what should we or can we do in order to try to bridge the gap that has been created between observant and nonobservant [Jews],” Stav said. “And when we started to look at the points of conflicts that upset the secular Israelis, one of the issues that we thought about was the issue of church and state, and especially the marriage issue.”

Stav noted that in Israel there is no civil marriage, and people must get married through the rabbinate, regardless of their level of religious observance.

“Now, for those who are traditional and they are religious, it’s not a problem. For many of those who are secular, it creates a problem for many reasons. A few of them are not satisfied with the essence of the idea of getting married halachically [in accordance with Jewish law]. … So, for many reasons, people had a lot of antagonism against the religious establishment. And therefore, we felt that this could be an area where we have an opportunity to inspire instead of turning the couples away,” Stav said.

Once Stav and his colleagues identified the problem, they immediately put forth a solution to address it. They established a group of Zionist rabbis that would voluntarily perform halachic weddings for secular couples. There was no charge for this service, and Stav said it began spreading “like wildfire.” Today, rabbis affiliated with Tzohar perform more than 5,000 weddings a year and have officiated at over 143,000 weddings since beginning this program.

Rabbi David Stav officiating at the wedding of Elinor Yosefin and Uri Mintzer, who got married in October 2023 before they reported for reserve duty in the IDF. (Photo credit: Avi Friedman via Tzohar)

Under Stav’s leadership, Tzohar has helped foster meaningful connections to Judaism for countless Israelis, many of whom are experiencing a sense of religious life for the first time.

Tzohar’s religious programs and services reach over 100,000 Israelis each year and touch upon virtually every aspect of Judaism as it relates to religious lifecycle events. For example, in addition to weddings, Stav’s organization has helped thousands of Israelis with bereavement guidance, provided kashrut supervision to numerous food establishments and imparted religious guidance to thousands of couples. Another area that Tzohar focuses on is its Shorashim project, which helps immigrants prove their Jewish roots, which is a legal requirement to get married in Israel.

Tzohar, which has grown exponentially as an organization, has over 100 employees and thousands of volunteers. Its annual budget is around $14 million, and Stav noted with pride that over 60% of those funds are raised in Israel, “which means that the Israeli society has a lot of trust, faith and confidence in the activities that Tzohar is doing.”

Stav is the father of nine children, five boys and four girls, and his children’s service in the Israel Defense Forces is a particular point of pride.

“I’m proud to say that all of my boys and all of my sons-in-law served in the army in the last year and a half that we have been under terrorist attack and in a war. I’m proud to introduce myself this way because I believe that this is one of the toughest issues that Israeli society has to deal with, and that’s the issue of service in the army. I believe that every Jew — it doesn’t matter where he lives, it doesn’t matter what his beliefs are and it doesn’t matter whether he’s studying Torah or not studying Torah — should serve in the army. That’s a fundamental demand in the halacha and it’s a fundamental demand, I think, based on the moral values of carrying together the burden with your friend.”

The subject of Israel’s Haredi community serving in the IDF has long been a contentious issue, and since Israel’s Supreme Court ruled in June 2024 that there is no legal justification for Israel’s longstanding military exemption given to ultra-Orthodox religious students and the military was ordered to begin drafting Haredi men, the controversy has been front and center. As far as Stav is concerned, this is a clear-cut issue and there should be no debate on this subject. He believes strongly that Haredim should serve in the army.

“We haven’t arrived to the point where we negotiate about the conditions that the army has to provide to the Haredi soldiers in order to make them draft and keep their beliefs and keep their lifestyle. … There isn’t even one statement that was made by any Haredi rabbi and Haredi distinguished leader that would say, under this and this conditions, we will be ready to be a part of Klal Yisrael [the whole Jewish community] and to share responsibility and solidarity in this war. … You have to show even one, serious, good intention to say, ‘Well, I’m ready under this and this and this to be a part [of the army].’ … They don’t even try to pretend that it’s because of Torah studies. … It’s not about Torah, it’s about keeping their community under their control, and keeping people under your control is not something that a democratic society could accept,” Stav said.

Stav added that when it comes to the issue of ultra-Orthodox Jews and Israeli army service, he believes the government is culpable as well.

“I’m criticizing … the government. The government that cooperates with this lie and with this behavior, that discriminates between blood to blood, is not less responsible than the Haredim themselves,” he said.

The efforts of Stav and Tzohar have positioned the organization as somewhat of an alternative to the chief rabbinate when it comes religious life in Israel. From Stav’s perspective, an alternative is what Israelis need, and he cites to three specific areas to prove his point.

“Unfortunately, the chief rabbinate in the last decades was not relevant to most Israelis, and it’s actually still not relevant. They have certain authority regarding kashrut [Jewish dietary laws] in which they failed in managing the kashrut in Israel. And I think that most people that care about kashrut know that they could not take for granted a certificate of kashrut that is supervised by the rabbinate. And the second area where they’re supposed to take responsibility, and that’s the conversion issue, is also not something that they could be proud of. … And the third mission, which is to reach out to the secular society and to expose them to Judaism in a nice and proper way was also not one of their biggest achievements. So unfortunately, the chief rabbinate is not relevant to the vast majority of the Israelis,” he said.

Stav expressed hope that the new chief rabbis will be able to improve the situation. “They started well … I hope that it will continue.”

While discussing the multitude of challenges facing the Jewish community in Israel and around the world, Stav emphasized the need to continue strengthening Jewish unity.

“I think that today, more than ever, Jewish unity is fundamental. Unfortunately, the political leadership in Israel … is creating barriers and fences between societies. By doing this, they believe that they will strengthen their political power, but they are weakening the solidarity of the Israelis. … So far, the vast majority of Israeli society was mature enough to understand that, and they show their seriousness and their maturity by drafting to the army, by helping the soldiers, by helping the reserves, by understanding that the unity between the different tribes is essential and is a fundamental demand for us in order to survive,” Stav said.

“I think that that our duty at Tzohar is to strengthen that common Jewish denominator that exists between us and to strengthen the voices that speak out for unity,” he added.

Since Oct. 7, Stav, along with all Israelis, has faced an array of challenges. Following the Hamas attacks, Stav was busy answering complex questions pertaining to Jewish law, which dealt with a range of issues relating to IDF soldiers and families who were directly impacted by Oct. 7 and the ensuing war. In addition, Stav’s organization quickly sprang into action to try and help those in need.

“Tzohar’s first mission was to take care of all the families that lost their loved ones and were not observant and didn’t want to see a rabbi. … We knew that our reputation allows us to send our rabbis, our volunteers, to make shiva visits to every family, despite the fact that the vast majority of those who live in the areas surrounding Gaza were kibbutznikim from the left wing, most of them not religious, and sometimes even anti-religious. We sent our volunteers, and they were so warmly received, that we felt that this mission is the most important one — to bring the voice of Judaism, of Jewish mourning, to those who were suffering the loss of their loved ones,” Stav said.

Rabbi David Stav visiting the Western Wall in Jerusalem. (Photo credit: Yonatan Sindel/Flash90 via JNS)

Stav spoke about the profound impact that the events of Oct. 7 and its aftermath has had on Jewish identity.

“I think that what we have seen in Israel, and I think that I hear it in the United States as well, is that since Oct. 7, the Jewish awakeness is rising up. … All of a sudden, many, many Jews … realized that the conflict between us and the Palestinians is not a political conflict. It’s not a conflict about territories. It’s not about the economy. It’s not about sources of water. It’s about something which is much more fundamental. It’s a battle between good and evil. It’s a battle between those who want to be a source of blessing … versus those who wants to be a source of brutality, of cruelty, of evil. And I think that for many Israelis, it was kind of revealing that people hate us … because we are Jewish, and that woke up a lot of Israelis.”

Stav noted that this sense of awakening post-Oct. 7 leads to another factor as well, which he said is the need to better understand our Judaism.

“What does it mean to be Jewish? Now, I’m not talking about the religious way to implement that, but to understand what Judaism is about. Why do certain people hate Judaism? What is it about us that causes that hatred, that leads to that hatred, and what does it require from us? And I think that for many Jews in America and in Israel, it was something that … opened their eyes and maybe sent them to start learning what is our story, and I think that’s amazing,” he said.

The plight of the hostages weighs on Stav. And after seeing the photos of recently released hostages Eli Sharabi, Ohad Ben Ami and Or Levy in a malnourished state, it is yet another reminder of the dire need to bring all the hostages home immediately. Yet the situation is extremely complex, with many debating the decision to release hundreds and hundreds of Palestinian terrorists, some of whom murdered Israelis in cold blood, as part of the hostage deal. According to Stav, this is a political issue, not a halachic one.

“It’s the government or the prime minister who have to make their decisions based on a broader view of what will be the effect of not ransoming the hostages, what will be the effect on the society and on the army. And on the other hand, they have to look [at the fact] that we want our enemies to be deterred, and we want our enemies to understand that it doesn’t pay to take soldiers into captivity. … That’s a political decision that has to be taken by the government. And I hope and I pray that Hashem will give them good advice,” he said.

As we experience a frightening rise in antisemitism around the world, Stav spoke about the need to recognize and embrace our Judaism as a means of combating the Jew-hatred that we are facing on a global scale.

“Prior to any other thing, we need to try to understand what Judaism is about. And once we understand what Judaism is about, we understand what our identity is. If we understand what our identity is, our neighbors and our friends will understand what we care about and what our mission is. … After all, you cannot create identity based on something which is negative. People have to understand what is positive about Judaism. … A person has to be defined by what is my story, and what is our common story? What is our Jewish story? … I think once people understand that our mission as a nation … is to be a big family that cares about human values, first of all, it defines for us what we are and what we stand for. And once we will be convinced of that, I’m sure that others will be influenced by that.”

Stav addressed the American Jewish community’s support of Israel and the vital role it plays in the wellbeing of the Jewish state, noting that, “for many Israelis, it was a discovery to see how the entire Jewish community in America was so supportive to the state of Israel” after Oct. 7.

“Sometimes I felt even ashamed, embarrassed, that we have to get support of helmets and vests, or dry meat, or whatever things that I would expect my government to provide and not to be depending on foreign support,” Stav said, referring to the basic needs of IDF soldiers during the Israel-Hamas war.

Stav pointed to two areas where the support of American Jewry is essential.

“One is to come to visit … not only because it strengthens the Israeli economy, but because it strengthens the Israeli spirit. And when people see how many American Jews come and support them and give them a hug and embrace them, it strengthens, it encourages the Israeli society.”

He added that he would like to see the support “coming to the areas where it can strengthen the unity and weaken the disputes,” recommending that American Jews should “strengthen all the organizations that deal with strengthening unity among the Israel society, versus those who try to build on our divisions.”

Despite all the various projects in which he is involved, for Stav it always comes back to the need for unity.

“I think that the biggest challenge of Tzohar today is to raise the voice of tolerance, to raise the voice of solidarity and to strengthen the voice of us being Jews,” he said.

My letter in The New York Times about antisemitism and the Holocaust

The following is a letter to the editor that I wrote, which appeared in The New York Times, about antisemitism, the Holocaust and the danger of downplaying Germany’s Nazi past:

January 30, 2025

To the Editor:

Re “On Auschwitz Anniversary, ‘Great Sorrow’ for Rising Nationalism” (front page, Jan. 28) and “Musk Urges End to Guilt for Nazi Past of Germany” (news article, Jan. 28):

As we mark 80 years since the liberation of the Nazi death camp Auschwitz-Birkenau and remember the unspeakable horrors that were perpetrated there against Jews, it is disconcerting that this significant and solemn anniversary is marred by a tsunami of antisemitism both in Germany and throughout the world.

When Holocaust survivors, who endured barbarism and torture, feel compelled to stand up eight decades later to sound the alarm of bigotry and rising Jew hatred, it is a stark reminder of the challenges we still face on a global scale. Efforts to normalize and legitimize the propagation of antisemitism are repugnant and have no place in a civilized society.

No one should be rolling out the red carpet for extremism, xenophobia and hate-mongering. And attempts to minimize or move past the Nazis’ crimes against humanity are an affront to all of us. We cannot and should not wipe away the memory of the atrocities that occurred during the Holocaust, nor should we turn a blind eye to the tidal wave of antisemitism that is sweeping across the globe.

N. Aaron Troodler
Bala Cynwyd, Pa.

A Dizzying Emotional Roller Coaster

The following is an article that I wrote, which appeared in the January 9, 2025, editions of the Washington Jewish Week, Philadelphia Jewish Exponent and Baltimore Jewish Times:

Hostage posters line the streets in Israel. (Photo credit: Aaron Troodler)

It is extremely difficult to sleep through a siren. During my recent trip to Israel, I was awakened in the middle of the night on three different occasions by the wail of a siren that has become all too familiar to Israelis. After the warning of an incoming missile fired by the Houthis in Yemen roused me from my slumber shortly after 2 a.m. and I ran to the shelter in the Jerusalem building where I was staying, I looked around the safe room at the other people who gathered there in their pajamas, which included a family with two young children and another family who tried to keep their dog calm amid the tension that permeated the air. It was a stark reminder of what Israelis must contend with daily, trying to go about their lives even as enemies from near and far actively seek to destroy the Jewish state.

The next morning, while still feeling the aftereffects of having been woken up at an ungodly hour and then having to struggle to fall back asleep as I waited for the adrenaline to abate, I walked to the synagogue for Shabbat services. It only took a short while before the beautiful tefillot helped me forget the previous night’s siren, and as the entire congregation sung the various prayers, including a beautiful rendition of the prayer for the soldiers in the Israel Defense Forces, I felt spiritually uplifted and experienced a sense that everything was once again normal.

Shortly thereafter, as I walked to my daughter’s apartment for Shabbat lunch, my family and I came across a vigil for the hostages still being held in Gaza. As we passed through the large crowd, which included Rachel Goldberg-Polin and Jon Polin, the parents of murdered American Israeli hostage Hersh Goldberg-Polin, I was immediately reminded that things in Israel are not yet OK. The exuberance I had felt earlier that day in the synagogue was replaced by a sense of unease and a disconcerting feeling that life in Israel is anything but normal in our post-Oct. 7 world.

Reminders of the hostages’ horrific ordeal are everywhere. The all-too-familiar hostage posters are still ubiquitous — in the airport when you arrive in Israel and on city streets throughout the country. One sign, which was particularly powerful, had photos of two male hostages and a question in large, red Hebrew letters: What if this was your father? The message was clear: We need to do everything in our power to bring the hostages home.

At a concert that I attended in Tel Aviv featuring Ishay Ribo, the famous Israeli singer-songwriter, the largest ovation of the night came when Ribo welcomed to the stage Moran Stella Yanai, who was abducted by Hamas on Oct. 7 and held hostage for 54 days. Watching them light the second Chanukah candle together was an emotional moment which I will not easily forget.

As I contemplated the current situation and ruminated on the fact that too many of our brothers and sisters have been held captive for approximately 450 days, it was impossible not to think of the brave men and women of the IDF who put their lives on the line every day to protect Israel and its citizens. It is the IDF soldiers who are literally on the front lines and making tremendous sacrifices on behalf of Jews both in Israel and around the world. It is our soldiers who are selflessly risking everything for others.

One of the highlights of my trip took place in an unlikely location: the Ofer Prison, where terror suspects in Israeli custody are detained. My family, together with my daughter-in-law’s family and some others, helped sponsor and organize a barbecue for the soldiers housed at the base located on the prison grounds. The goal was to not only thank the soldiers for their incredible service but also to provide a bit of respite from the countless challenges they face in the course of their military duties.

As several hundred soldiers gathered on the first night of Chanukah in the large tent that serves as their dining hall, I had the privilege of lighting the first Chanukah candle and leading them in the brachot, which was followed by festive singing in conjunction with the holiday. My children helped give out cards to the soldiers that were prepared by the middle school students at my wife’s school, which were thank you cards and messages wishing the soldiers a happy Chanukah. Aside from the cards, we also distributed chocolate Chanukah gelt, a staple of the holiday.

In addition to the sumptuous feast that volunteers prepared for the soldiers, which included fresh sufganiyot, the traditional doughnuts that are consumed on Chanukah, which were fried on site, we also brought in a DJ to augment the celebratory atmosphere and enable the soldiers to further enjoy themselves. As upbeat Israeli music filled the air, we danced together with the soldiers, all of whom thoroughly enjoyed the impromptu dance party.

At the end of the evening, numerous soldiers came up to us to express their thanks for what had been a magical night. At the same time, we thanked the soldiers and offered them our deepest gratitude for everything they have done and continue to do for our people and our Jewish homeland. We exchanged hugs and heartfelt thanks and left that night feeling fortunate that we were able to give the soldiers a Chanukah gift that they truly relished.

My trip was essentially a dizzying emotional roller coaster, with the moments between concern and contemplation and pleasure and positivity waxing and waning at a seemingly frenetic pace. The fact is that witnessing the resolve of the Israeli people — whether it be soldiers, civilians or families of the hostages — was inspiring. Yes, we are still facing incredible challenges on multiple fronts. Yet the reality is that through our faith and fortitude we will ultimately prevail.